All this texting and my stomach decides it wants to hate me.  I can feel the 11 shots of patron want to come up along with the Yellowtail sashimi and jalapeno I had for dinner.   “Be hot, not a hot mess, ” I tell myself.  I close my eyes to keep my equilibrium in check and pray to God I dont upchuck  on this leather.

In a semi-conscious state, I feel the cool breeze in my face as I float.   I faintly hear keys opening the lock and almost forget where I’m at and who I’m with.   I am set down on a cold couch as I regain full drunken awareness of my surroundings.   My throat is parched, so I ask for some water.   I look at my phone halfway hoping that the boyfriend has given me some kinda reason to go home.  Its not too late but – no texts.  *sigh* I close my eyes again.

Maybe coming here was a baaaaad idea.  I would give anything to be in my own bed right now and be in my pajamas…  I slip my feet out of these ridiculously uncomfortable heels and try and find a comfortable position to sleep in.  I. Just. Want. To. Sleep.  

“Lets go to bed” I say.   And after a sweaty session of breaking all the rules, thats exactly what we do.

I wake up to the worst headache I’ve ever had.  Ever.  In life.  My eyes open and I see my dress hanging off the chair, and wait, is that my fake lashes on the pillow?!   I look to my right and I get startled cuz GADAMN this dude looks amazing without a shirt. His chest tattoo makes me want to sing, and I dont even like karaoke.   I take it all in and then…..

I realize I never made it home last night.

Jesus H. Christ please save me from what’s about to happen to me!  I start to panic and hold back tears of fear as I imagine what my tombstone will say.  I mean, I know my man don’t really trip off me but who wouldn’t trip off their girl NOT coming home, right?  I am going to die when I get home.  FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. What did I get myself into?  I wake up The Smirker, who apparently smirks in his sleep too (WTF?)  and beg him to drive me home right now. right now. RIGHT NOW!

I’m about to piss my pants as I pull up to the gate to my apartment complex and punch in my code.  I turn to my gorgeous smirker.  ”Drop me off right here,” I say as my shaky hands try and find the keys to the door.  I fly out of the car and say bye and my Smirker mumbles out the window something about kissing me but I’m not paying him any mind.  I walk past my boyfriend’s car and almost shit myself.  He didn’t run this morning? But I was counting on his health fanatic ass and his morning run!  Fuck, he’s probably waiting at the door ready to shank me or something.  

What am I gonna say?  How am I gonna explain myself?  So many questions running through my mind as I inch my way closer to our apartment door.

Deep breath.  Look normal.  I put the key in the lock and turn the knob.  Here goes nothing.